Kids these days! What do they know? What with their RSS feeds, carbon credits, nanotechnologies—who understands any of that? We, the tycoons of yesteryear, the proprietors of good ol’ Small Business USA, the gas-guzzlin’ folksy types who still think we control the world, sure don’t get it. And why should we? It’s not like attitudes are changing or the rest of the world matters, no sir! We have our old money and our clunkers and those always be secure! The economy’s booming right now! We control Washington! We’re not in complete denial!

Fine, you really want the week’s news? You may not like it. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya about this week’s Weekly Sustainability Facts!

Get ready, get set, know!

Did You Know…

…The reasons we don’t act on “Climate Change?”

…Or about how we can make up new ones?

…That those kids better find real jobs?

…That this is one solution I can get actually behind?

…That this informed, sane man has a point?

…That we had much better celebrities way back when?

…That my war stories are much more interesting than this crud?

…What this is? I sure don’t.

…That some people call this music? Sheesh!

…What this whole “Shark Week” thing was about? Me neither!

Bah! I hate being informed! Leaves a bad taste in my mouth—that sickly sweet flavor of… change.

Yuck.

Matt Lurie typed this up for a fictional old man who refuses to touch one of these newfangled computer things.